Mr or Mrs Mum?

Whether to have a full-time career or stay home with the children is a decision women are able to make these days. Women are continually celebrating the fact that during the last few decades portrayal of our role has changed, giving us the freedom to choose whether we work, stay home or both. Though liberating this choice can cause confusion, frustration and sometimes even anguish, especially when the question of childcare is raised.

I spoke to two of my beautiful friends who've both carved a life for themselves in which they're able to be doing exactly what they want with their lives. Leanne is a full-time accountant and Susan is a full-time at home mum. They've both explained how they make their lifestyle choices work, why they chose the life they have and what makes it work and sometimes difficult.

Full-time accountant - Leanne

“We decided that Hayden would be the main care giver mainly for economic reasons. I always thought I’d be a stay at home mum, because that’s how I grew up. However, that changed once I started working.

“It works well for us; the kids get real hands-on time with Hayden, which they love and having more money isn’t everything but it certainly gives us more options. I love it too because I come home to cooked meals and clean washing! I’m very fortunate that my employer is quite flexible; sometimes I meet Hayden at appointments for the kids (eg. Will’s kinder orientation) and make the time up later.

“I can get very tired though, especially when I was breastfeeding and I’ve found that friendships can suffer because I like to spend all my ‘after-hours’ time with the kids.

“The last three years have been a steep learning curve and I’ve had to learn to let Hayden do things his way. I’ve also found that it’s very important to take time out and to make the effort to socialise, especially for Hayden’s sake.

“Socially it can be tough. My husband has been laughed at for being a Mr. Mum and someone commented to me, “He must be lazy”. These comments upset me because I believe that my husband is more of a man for putting his family first by choosing what works best for all of us rather than simply conforming to the norm. Some assume that I’m working only because I have to, not because I want to and they feel sorry for me which can be frustrating, yet some people think it’s fantastic. In the end, who cares what people think? As long as our family is happy.”

Full-time stay at home mum - Susan

“Ever since I was a little girl, I really wanted to be a wife and mother. I’ve always loved taking care of children and although I didn’t have any younger siblings, I was looking after other peoples kids from my early teens onwards.

“One of the biggest benefits of staying at home is the time I have with my kids, where they can ask questions like, “what is time?” (try answering that one!). I see it as a privilege to have this time with my kids and don’t think I’ll ever have the opportunity to make such an impact on a life so I want to do the best I can.

“At first it was tough getting used to putting all my time and effort into working at home and not getting paid for it. It was quite humbling to be dependent on Steve as the breadwinner. Now I feel like Steve and I are a team doing our different parts for the family and I don’t see it as ‘Steve’s money’ anymore.

“I plan to stay at home until Archie is at school because I think that’s what’s best for us as a family. Because Steve’s job requires long hours, I feel it’s important for the children to have a parent consistently in the home and I’m in the best position to be able to do that.

“I’m really glad I haven’t had to put my children in day care but believe that having the luxury of having Grandparents caring for your children would be a great option.

I’ll probably study at home for a couple of years and then work part-time within school hours once he’s started school. I’m a big believer in taking things as they come though and don’t spend a lot of time planning it out.”